whoever you are, this is for you.

 

how are you?

i hope you know when i ask you that question, i am really asking how you are, your complete self. and you don’t have to answer me with – i’m fine, thanks. how about you?, i don’t want a pretentious answer. that is not why i am writing this to you. take a pause, and try to observe how you are feeling when that question appears in the air, i know you used to catch it without even thinking. there is like an automatic answering machine inside of our brainevery time a redundant question appears, a redundant answer reveals.

i want you to take a moment, listen to the way your heart beats – does it say something? does it beat any difference when someone really asking how you are doing? wait for that sign, something you already know for a long time, yet, buried deep inside your honesty space.

now, i believe you already have the answer to it. you don’t even have to tell me, this is solely for you, not me, not everybody else. your honesty is important for you. but i do hope your honest answer will be – i am fine, despite the ache, despite the struggle, despite the dark thoughts, despite all of it – i am breathing and i am fine. i hope your ‘fine’ means i know i will be. i hope your smile means i am trying my best to be kind. i hope your laugh means i really find it funny. i hope every single action you are doing is purely out of your choice.

you have been through a lot. i know there are days when all you want to do is to disappear, somewhere you don’t know, to be someone else and doing something else – other than here and yourself. but that’s how most of the important lessons begin. you feel stuck and lost, and the not knowing scares you to your bones. one thing you need to do at the end of the day; congratulate yourself, celebrate how you are able getting through the hours, buy yourself a flower or two, and whisper – thank you, for standing here still, after all the storm. you are an exceptional one.

we might not live in a war-zone, we might have the things we need; food, clothes, a home, a friend – but we do have our own struggle, which stretch to infinite extension from one person to another. just because you have all the things you need, does not make you less qualified to be cared of, to be loved, to be helped. someone might tell you that your problem is nothing compare to hers, or to the world. but dear, everything is relative, even as definite as time. what might be easy and simple for someone else, might be hard and complicated for you – and that is okay. we live in a world where most people think that this is a forever competition between right or wrong, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, and so many society standard none of it you have to follow. so yes, it is okay to own your problem so you can own the solution – and what comes from all of it is nothing but an important lesson for you and yourself only.

whatever it is you are thinking at the moment, whatever it is you are feeling at the moment, own it. admit it. practice not to pretend. if someone ask you how are you, look them in the eye with all the kindness you have inside of you and you just simply ask them, do you really want to know how i am? most probably you will create a very peculiar situation by doing this. none of us is ready for an honest answer out of a very common cliche question. yet perhaps, we can change how we project this world by simply doing this, reminding and teaching other that honesty is as big as love. you might think that it is easy for me to say – you might think i know what i want, or at least i know something. as much as i want it to be true, no i don’t know. i don’t know where i will be five years from now, how does it matter anyway? i don’t know whether i will get through this one precious life by really living and not merely existing and breathing. i don’t know whether i will ever becoming the person i imagine myself to be. i don’t know. am i afraid? oh yes, most of the time. do i feel like giving up? also yes, every once in two days perhaps.

i have a certain reason why i don’t ask people how are you. if i can’t really provide my ears to listen to how they actually are, i simply say, i hope you are well – which i’m always able to mean it. this way, i don’t need to lie. this way, i don’t need to pretend. isn’t it tiring, to lie and to pretend?

every morning, look at yourself in the mirror, give attention to your eyes, to your face’s figure, to your chest, your arms – then ask yourself, how are you? the first person you have to ask that question to is yourself. and give the most honest answer, this time you don’t need to be ashamed, you don’t need to be afraid of what you are about to say, so say it. then if you have your answer, you can go on to the next question – would you want it to stay this way for the whole day? and no matter the answer, the message lays in between your pause. there, your heart starts to smile because you finally do what you’re always waiting for; being completely honest.

this is me asking you to give yourself your best effort, to give yourself your best shot at living and growing.

love always,

R